CRASH…but NOT BURN
This is the week that “for all good reasons I could give you” I completely blew “it seemed” all the things I had learned in The Program and for one day I was the worst version of my “old self”! It wasn’t pretty or nice…and I was feeling crushed, but I really wasn’t found out?
The next day I summoned all the techniques at my disposal, forgave myself because I had not had my materials, phone, or computer available because I was in the hospital for a couple of days, and started reading Og’s Scroll V! It was like it had been written just for me: “I will waste not a moment mourning yesterday’s misfortune’s, yesterday’s defeats, yesterday’s aches of the heart, for why should I throw good after bad?..Can I relive the errors of yesterday and right them? Can I call back the wounds and make them whole?…NO Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more.” “I will live today as if it is my last.”
Writing notes, sending e-mail cards, praying, meditating, watching sunsets along the Bay after walking and getting back into my rituals as much as I could while still getting groceries and the other requirements of life helped. So did my Guide and sharing and readings in the Alliance. In the past, my “old self” would have gone into weeks of depressive, negative self-talk and added to my damaging family relationships that are so important. Instead, healing is taking place.
Lessons learned, however, is how quickly I can get off track when put in high stress situations and don’t use/remember what I have been learning, work on/have at my readiness! My thoughts are mine and what I choose to assign to them are also mine. The same is true about recovery. The thoughts and feelings about my “old self” emerging and how I have a choice to stay that way or decide to return to my “new self” because I believe that is more my true identity now and how I intend to continue to live my life is key! Progress not Perfection is my motto. The Law of Growth.
In the past I would become very successful and then do something to sabotage it…never understanding why. Now I think I do. It wasn’t congruent with how I saw myself. I would achieve according to my desires and goals, but unworthy I guess? I was very good at consulting and helping my clients become enormously successful because I could see the gifts they had and helped them develop. They always referred to me as a “miracle worker”! I just chose my clients carefully. Now this Program is teaching me “the way” to apply it to myself I think.
There is so much work I want to accomplish with my DMP I can’t let failure be an option. I have skirted death too many times that I know my Higher Power is not done with me either. Reading these obits makes me want to leave one that the key points describe in my DMP, so …
Love And Blessings to All
(Interesting how I published this about 2 weeks ago as a page so no one was seeing it???)